what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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