no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
