He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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