i permit you to call me
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
