She is in my trunk
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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