so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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