Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
