I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
