I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
