Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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