I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
