Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
This baby is an asshole
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
