yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
