Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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