I'd wear matching sweaters with you
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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