i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm way too hungover for life right now
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
