I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
