I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
