when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
