the condom got lost in my hair
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
