What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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