I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize