I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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