I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
