I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I FOUND THE LEGS
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
