Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Randomize
