I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
And then he peed in my hair
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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