I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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