it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
