So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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