I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
