Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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