I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
