it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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