Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
