I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
