Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
My hand turned me down
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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