Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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