end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
