dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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