If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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