I like my sex mixed with concussions.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
