I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
