Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
