The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
