I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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