i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
