Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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