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im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Randomize
