She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize