that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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