another moral hangover. fuck.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
