Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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