So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
