girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize