he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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