you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
