with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
