fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
