honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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