i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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