he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
