hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
