Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
