I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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