We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
