There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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