Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
