Pappa wants mamma naked
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
