I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
