It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
