He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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