did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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