Jerry, you need to find god
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize