tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
