ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
