she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
