All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
