I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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