guys are not supposed to queef...right?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
