My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Randomize
