I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
