Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
