her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
