Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
