Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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