i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
