Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I made him laugh his dick is mine
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
