look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
