get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
