I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
