from now on my penis is your penis
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
