I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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