OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
nutella sex= disaster
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
