i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize