you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize