Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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