I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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