I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
