i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
