I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
