Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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