no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
