dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize