my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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