We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
