Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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