once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize