I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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