dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
